God Bless the Zombies

God Bless the Zombies

MONDAY, JUNE 17, 2019: 08:16 EDT
CNN Breaking News

God Bless America
God Bless America (Photo credit: wstera2)

President Romney, speaking via satellite from an undisclosed location, outlined his five point plan to thwart what most experts say is the Zombie Apocalypse. The President, however, disputes this claim, saying that the ‘Zombie Flu’ is a natural event and it offers an opportunity for the American pharmaceutical industry and other private corporations to advance research through the le…

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ATTENTION AMERIKA! WE ARE INTERRUPTING THIS GODLESS ZIONIST PROPAGANDA TO BRING YOU THE WORD OF OUR GOD! THIS IS PASTOR COLONEL RICHARD BENDERMAN, PREMIER EXALTED LEADER OF ‘GOD’S ARYAN FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS’, I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE LORD TO CALL ON ALL OF OUR ARYAN BROTHERS AND SISTERS TO HEED THE CALL TO ARMS SENT BY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!

YES, EVERYONE, THIS IS WHAT WE SHALL REAP FOR ALL OF THE ARROGANT THUMBING OF OUR NOSES AT THE WORD OF THE LORD!

THIS IS WHAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU DESERVES FOR YOUR EVIL PAGAN WAYS OF SIN!

TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THE LIE THAT MAN IS BEGOTTEN OF AN APE; WHAT BLASPHEMY!

WE HAVE TURNED A BLIND EYE AND EMBRACED THE SIN OF FORNICATION OUT OF WEDLOCK!

OUR CONDONING THE MIXING OF THE RACES HAS POLLUTED THE PURE BLOOD OF GOD’S CHOSEN CHILDREN!

OPENING OUR ARMS TO THE COMMITTERS OF THE HEINOUS ACT OF SODOMY!

WE HAVE CORRUPTED THE TEMPLE OF OUR BODIES WITH THE WEED OF THE DEVIL AND THE LIQUID FIRE OF SATAN’S ELIXIRS!

WE HAVE BROUGHT THIS UPON OURSELVES, I TELL YOU!

THE RAPTURE IS UPON US! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!

AS IN SODOM AND GOMORRAH, GOD HAS JUDGED MANKIND AND FOUND THE GREAT MAJORITY OF YOU LACKING AND UNWORTHY OF HIS GRACE AND FORGIVENESS!

THE GATES OF HEAVEN SHALL BE FOREVER CLOSED TO YOU, YOUR SOUL SENT TO ETERNAL DAMNATION IN THE BURNING ABYSS OF HELL!

ONLY THOSE OF PURE WHITE ANCESTRY AMONG YOU THAT HAVE EMBRACED THE LOVE OF THE WHITE GOD WITH PURE HEARTS SHALL BE SAVED FROM THIS ETERNAL DAMNATION!

ALL THOSE WHO WORSHIP THE FALSE GODS OF THE HEATHEN EAST ARE DOOMED TO EVERLASTING TORMENT AND SUFFERING!

THE TIME TO REPENT HAS COME AND GONE FOR ALL OF YOU SINNERS. THE LORD HAS DECLARED THAT YOU SHALL BE SCOURGED FROM THE EARTH AND ONLY HIS BELOVED WORSHIPERS WILL LIVE IN THE EDEN LEFT BEHIND.

NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE TRUE CHOSEN ONES OF ALL GODS CHILDREN, THE WHITE ARYAN RACE TO RECLAIM OUR PLACE AS THE RIGHTFUL RULERS OF GODS KINGDOM ON EARTH.

GOD BLESS THE ZOMBIES FOR SHOWING THE LORD’S SHEEP THAT THEY HAVE STRAYED FROM THEIR BELOVED SHEPARD’S FLOCK! HALLELUJAH!! HIS WILL BE DONE.

GLORY TO HIS NAME!

WHITE POWER FOR ETERNITY!!

AMEN

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We apologize for the technical issues. We’ll be right back with more breaking news.

And now a word from Red Lobster.

Zombie Attacks Throughout NYC

English: aerial view from Empire State Buildin...
English: aerial view from Empire State Building West to One Penn Plaza and Jacob Javits Convention Center at Hudson River (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Zombie Attacks Throughout NYC

SATURDAY, JUNE 15, 2019: 11:29 EDT
CNN BREAKING NEWS

NYPD is reporting several Zombie attacks throughout the Five Boroughs. New York Mayor Cynthia Rainier-Ortega has authorized all facilities and personnel to immediately implement Protocol NYBB-38. All City personnel and hospital staff have been ordered to report to their assigned locations as stated in NYBB-38, and all scheduled leave and vacation is suspended until further notice. In addition, all MTA service is cancelled until further notice.

Army and New York National Guard units are assisting the NYPD and Homeland Security in cordoning off Central Park from 58th Street to 111th Street and Park Avenue to Columbus Avenue. Central Park has been designated as an ‘Assessment and Evacuation Center’ with armed checkpoints at all entrances. Madison Square Garden and the Jacob Javits Convention Center have been classified as Casualty Collection Points.

Looting and arson have been reported in several locations, including confirmation from an NYFD official that the upper floors of the Macy’s Department Store are on fire. He was also saddened to say that the NYFD was not able to reach the conflagration, because the responding units came under intense gunfire from the rioters and that all of the First Responders were killed or wounded.

All units are now authorized to use deadly force without prior clearance from higher command. Looters will be shot on sight without regard to due process.

The Zombie Virus Hits NYC

The Zombie Virus Hits NYC

FRIDAY, JUNE 14, 2019: 16:49 EDT
CNN BREAKING NEWS

English: LAX. The light towers, first installe...

The first confirmed cases in the continental U.S. of what is now being referred to as the ‘NK-H1Z’ or Nokez virus, have been reported in Los Angeles, California. LAFD paramedics, along with LAPD and Homeland Security tactical units were dispatched to LAX this afternoon.

There were numerous chilling calls from the airport to 911, saying that passengers from a recently landed flight originating from Paris, France, stormed out of the aircraft, burst into Terminal-C, and began to spread rapidly throughout the waiting area, attacking everyone in sight.

LAX and Homeland Security quickly locked down the entire LAX Airport facility and established a quarantine area one mile around LAX. The FAA has ordered all non-military domestic air traffic grounded and all incoming international flights either diverted or if already landed, denied unloading of passengers and/or cargo, refueled, and returned to the flight’s point of origin.

So far authorities say that the outbreak has been contained and the CDC was assisting local health officials with the situation.

The CDC also requests the public’s help in fighting the spread of this infection by isolating or restraining anyone who has been bitten or is exhibiting any unusual flu-like symptoms, and notifying local authorities at once.

Avoid all contact with the infected individual.

Zombies Taking Over the World

Zombies Take Over the World?

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12, 2019: 19:30 EDT
CNN BREAKING NEWS

English: Zombies
English: Zombies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The entire Korean Peninsula has been overrun by what are now being called ‘Zombies’. As many U.S. citizens, military personnel and their dependents as possible have been evacuated. There is no official word on the number of casualties are estimated to be in the thousands. The Pentagon says that it may take months to get an accurate count of the dead and missing.

There are now confirmed ‘Zombie’ outbreaks all across Southeast Asia, China, Russia, Japan, India, Central Asia, The Middle East, Europe, and Africa. Johannesburg went silent two hours ago. Great Britain has sealed its borders and implemented Martial Law.

Vice President Limbaugh has recalled U.S. forces and Embassy staff from all postings around the world. He wants to reassure the American People that he will fight this evil threat to our way of life and asks us to join him in praying for God’s guidance through these turbulent times.

Zombies or North Korean Uprising?

Zombies or A North Korean Uprising?

MONDAY, JUNE 10, 2019: 11:38 EDT
CNN BREAKING NEWS

Speaking on behalf of President Romney, who is still on his honeymoon yachting somewhere off the coast of the South of France, Press Secretary Crawford Turdoler confirmed that the government of North Korea has indeed begun what appears to be mass open-air executions of its rioting citizens in the capital and surrounding areas. At the same time he said it was apparent that the rioters were overrunning many of the North Korean Army’s positions and, large numbers of the North Korean troops at these positions were even joining the rioters. He also expressed grave concern for the people of South Korea because satellite images show North Koreans streaming towards the border in huge numbers.

Secretary Turdoler declined to speculate on the implications of this apparent uprising against the regime of Im Dong-in, but said that both the South Korean and U.S. military have been put on heightened alert.

Asked when President Romney would be returning to Washington to address this highly unusual situation unfolding on the Korean peninsula, Secretary Turdoler stated that “the President doesn’t feel that the situation required his direct attention at this time and has chosen to continue his stay aboard his personal yacht and enjoy being a new husband and father. He has all confidence in Vice-President Limbaugh’s ability to guide the American People through what was obviously an uprising by the oppressed North Corleone people against a cruel ungodly regime.”

The administration later issued an apology for mistaking the fictional leader of the Mafia family’s name for the country of North Korea.

Zombie Killing Stoners – North Korea

Zombies in North Korea?

MONDAY, JUNE 10, 2019: 09:56 EDT
CNN BREAKING NEWS

English: area map of Pyongyang Category:North ...
English: area map of Pyongyang Category:North Korea (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This disturbing news just in from CNN’s Seoul, South Korea office.

Sources in North Korea tell us that there have been unconfirmed reports of numerous violent attacks involving the attackers viciously biting the victims. These reports also say that the North Korean Army has been mobilized to put down several unprecedented riots in and around the capital of Pyongyang.

Another unconfirmed report out of Pyongyang alleges that the army had commenced firing into the crowds without any advanced warnings, but that perhaps many of the soldiers were using blanks or rubber bullets because so few of the rioting crowd were killed or wounded.

Once again we want to emphasize that these reports are from unofficial sources and are unconfirmed.

We will keep you, our viewers updated on these interesting developments as soon as more information becomes available.

Next up on CNN: President Romney’s ex-wife, former First Lady Ann Davies Romney and her attorney Gloria Allred comment on the first pictures of President Romney and First Lady Kim K.’s baby girl, Kismetia Krystal Kardashian Romney. You won’t want to miss this.
We’ll be right back.

Zombie Killing Stoners – Prologue Part 1

Zombie Killing Stoners by C. Che Bhalin & Professor B.T. Mienoré

Sit back folks, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em, and enjoy a tale of Homeric proportions about the end of the world. We start at the beginning of a Herculean endeavor by a group of the most unlikely of Argonauts that chance could have assembled to claim their piece of ground and thrive. These were everyday people thrown together, facing, and eventually fighting back against the unfathomable menace of the newly dead returning from their everlasting slumber to feast upon the flesh of the living. Everyday people loosely guided by three unwilling Paladins against the pitiless dead and the remnants of a government and society chewing its own self to death.

God and Country were not players, as both had abandoned mankind. The cavalry was not coming to save the day, and the timer would not magically stop at the very last second. Mighty Mouse had other things to save that day.

This is what happened when the fecal matter impacted with the rapidly revolving atmospheric volume accelerator.