Driving Stoned

driving stoned

Driving Stoned is bad, but is definitely not as bad as driving drunk!

You hear a lot of complaining from the conservatives in this country about how people will get “potted up” and go driving, causing lots of accidents.

Last year, CNN took a look at a few folks in Washington state operating a motor vehicle under the influence of pot. Watch as they take a little driving test with the help of a local sheriff’s department.

Note that these folks are driving under an intoxication level that they wouldn’t have with alcohol (3-6x the legal limit), because the alcohol would have probably killed them.

Of course, nobody should drive while intoxicated on anything, since you endanger other people’s lives if you do! This is a controlled course.

httpv://youtu.be/VIqbo2phXdo

Tales of the ZKS

Zombies from The Beyond

Tales of the ZKS

The only thing breaking in the newsroom on this day were lights and cameras as the Zombies wandered through the sets. There was no one left in the newsroom of CNN in Atlanta, no one who had a pulse that is. Every news network in the world was silent.

Soon after everything was silent.

And so begins our tale in the dying days of the greatest city in the world, but every one of you must remember that out of death comes life…kumba-fucking-matata and all that fuzzy feel good horseshit. I’m just busting your stones; this isn’t a story of a bunch of merry men fighting against injustice. Fuck no, bitches. These are the tales of the ZKS, the Zombie Killing Stoners. They not only survived, but they evicted the Zeds from Manhattan and brought back the music. The ZKS are the coolest motherfuckers who ever toked up and terminated Zombies.

God Bless the Zombies

God Bless the Zombies

MONDAY, JUNE 17, 2019: 08:16 EDT
CNN Breaking News

God Bless America
God Bless America (Photo credit: wstera2)

President Romney, speaking via satellite from an undisclosed location, outlined his five point plan to thwart what most experts say is the Zombie Apocalypse. The President, however, disputes this claim, saying that the ‘Zombie Flu’ is a natural event and it offers an opportunity for the American pharmaceutical industry and other private corporations to advance research through the le…

STATIC…BEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP….

ATTENTION AMERIKA! WE ARE INTERRUPTING THIS GODLESS ZIONIST PROPAGANDA TO BRING YOU THE WORD OF OUR GOD! THIS IS PASTOR COLONEL RICHARD BENDERMAN, PREMIER EXALTED LEADER OF ‘GOD’S ARYAN FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS’, I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE LORD TO CALL ON ALL OF OUR ARYAN BROTHERS AND SISTERS TO HEED THE CALL TO ARMS SENT BY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!

YES, EVERYONE, THIS IS WHAT WE SHALL REAP FOR ALL OF THE ARROGANT THUMBING OF OUR NOSES AT THE WORD OF THE LORD!

THIS IS WHAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU DESERVES FOR YOUR EVIL PAGAN WAYS OF SIN!

TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THE LIE THAT MAN IS BEGOTTEN OF AN APE; WHAT BLASPHEMY!

WE HAVE TURNED A BLIND EYE AND EMBRACED THE SIN OF FORNICATION OUT OF WEDLOCK!

OUR CONDONING THE MIXING OF THE RACES HAS POLLUTED THE PURE BLOOD OF GOD’S CHOSEN CHILDREN!

OPENING OUR ARMS TO THE COMMITTERS OF THE HEINOUS ACT OF SODOMY!

WE HAVE CORRUPTED THE TEMPLE OF OUR BODIES WITH THE WEED OF THE DEVIL AND THE LIQUID FIRE OF SATAN’S ELIXIRS!

WE HAVE BROUGHT THIS UPON OURSELVES, I TELL YOU!

THE RAPTURE IS UPON US! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!

AS IN SODOM AND GOMORRAH, GOD HAS JUDGED MANKIND AND FOUND THE GREAT MAJORITY OF YOU LACKING AND UNWORTHY OF HIS GRACE AND FORGIVENESS!

THE GATES OF HEAVEN SHALL BE FOREVER CLOSED TO YOU, YOUR SOUL SENT TO ETERNAL DAMNATION IN THE BURNING ABYSS OF HELL!

ONLY THOSE OF PURE WHITE ANCESTRY AMONG YOU THAT HAVE EMBRACED THE LOVE OF THE WHITE GOD WITH PURE HEARTS SHALL BE SAVED FROM THIS ETERNAL DAMNATION!

ALL THOSE WHO WORSHIP THE FALSE GODS OF THE HEATHEN EAST ARE DOOMED TO EVERLASTING TORMENT AND SUFFERING!

THE TIME TO REPENT HAS COME AND GONE FOR ALL OF YOU SINNERS. THE LORD HAS DECLARED THAT YOU SHALL BE SCOURGED FROM THE EARTH AND ONLY HIS BELOVED WORSHIPERS WILL LIVE IN THE EDEN LEFT BEHIND.

NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE TRUE CHOSEN ONES OF ALL GODS CHILDREN, THE WHITE ARYAN RACE TO RECLAIM OUR PLACE AS THE RIGHTFUL RULERS OF GODS KINGDOM ON EARTH.

GOD BLESS THE ZOMBIES FOR SHOWING THE LORD’S SHEEP THAT THEY HAVE STRAYED FROM THEIR BELOVED SHEPARD’S FLOCK! HALLELUJAH!! HIS WILL BE DONE.

GLORY TO HIS NAME!

WHITE POWER FOR ETERNITY!!

AMEN

STATIC…BEEEEEEEPPPPP

We apologize for the technical issues. We’ll be right back with more breaking news.

And now a word from Red Lobster.

Zombies or North Korean Uprising?

Zombies or A North Korean Uprising?

MONDAY, JUNE 10, 2019: 11:38 EDT
CNN BREAKING NEWS

Speaking on behalf of President Romney, who is still on his honeymoon yachting somewhere off the coast of the South of France, Press Secretary Crawford Turdoler confirmed that the government of North Korea has indeed begun what appears to be mass open-air executions of its rioting citizens in the capital and surrounding areas. At the same time he said it was apparent that the rioters were overrunning many of the North Korean Army’s positions and, large numbers of the North Korean troops at these positions were even joining the rioters. He also expressed grave concern for the people of South Korea because satellite images show North Koreans streaming towards the border in huge numbers.

Secretary Turdoler declined to speculate on the implications of this apparent uprising against the regime of Im Dong-in, but said that both the South Korean and U.S. military have been put on heightened alert.

Asked when President Romney would be returning to Washington to address this highly unusual situation unfolding on the Korean peninsula, Secretary Turdoler stated that “the President doesn’t feel that the situation required his direct attention at this time and has chosen to continue his stay aboard his personal yacht and enjoy being a new husband and father. He has all confidence in Vice-President Limbaugh’s ability to guide the American People through what was obviously an uprising by the oppressed North Corleone people against a cruel ungodly regime.”

The administration later issued an apology for mistaking the fictional leader of the Mafia family’s name for the country of North Korea.